I Don't Know How to Feel

One thing I realized during my short time in content creation is that you start with good intentions and quickly fall into the trap of only creating what others desire of you. It’s not that I don’t fully enjoy creating the content I create, but as a creative you feel compelled to follow what works and the all-mighty algorithm and not so much your own ideas & interests. But it’s not just content creation, it’s life in general.

I had lunch with a younger friend of mine this past weekend and we talked a bit about various things from AI to the average household consumer debt. We realized that there’s not much that is “real” anymore. We’re all fighting and striving to obtain something that doesn’t exist. She had concerns about falling into debt later in life and I explained to her that it’s hard to not be in some form of debt unless you’re very well off or have a well paying job.

All it takes is one slip-up or one emergency, and you could have debt that you’re stuck with for years. Most people now are so used to having debt that it’s become a baseline of how we live our lives. It’s almost as if credit cards and loans are viewed as a free second income or ‘get out of jail free’ card. I told her it’s hard to avoid falling into debt because the world is now built off of it.

As a seller, you usually charge higher prices to those with more money. If everyone is pretending to have money, the base price steadily rises. Now suddenly phones are $1,500 everywhere you turn. If you’re someone trying to live without debt and don’t have a six-figure salary, that means being left behind from the norms of society.

If the vast majority of us can’t afford the life we’re living, why do we continue to live life this way as a society?

I watched an interview early one morning about Billie Eilish and her creative process and the meaning behind her song “What Was I Made For”. She describes the societal effects on self-identity, freedom of imagination, self-awareness, and connecting with your inner younger self.

I’ve only lived one life but I feel like it’s common when growing up to hit a point where life starts becoming something completely different than you ever pictured. That’s exactly the whole purpose of the song Billie wrote. Growing up thinking life and the world is one way, only to realize it’s nothing like you imagined and having to learn how to navigate that new life while constantly feeling lost.

I imagine it’s much worse now with social media and access to the thoughts and lives of the entire world. I often struggle with feeling like I’ve found “IT”. That thing that makes me, me, or the moment when I understand and feel comfortable in my current environment.

Nothing feels real to me anymore and everything keeps getting muddier and muddier with AI, Deep Fakes, Apple Vision, and hidden secrets coming to light. It’s understandable why the younger generation struggles to find themselves and flourish in this new world.

One of the major motivations behind the new company I’m starting is to get back to a feeling of locality and being a part of a village. I find myself longing to go back to paying with cash, reading physical books, meeting your neighbor when you move in, kids playing outside, and a bartering system where everyone creates their specialties and trades within the community. Longing for a physically connected life.

Somewhere along the way we’ve lost the human touch. Which is really unfortunate considering we’re humans. We feel lost but still have hope that someday we may find ourselves or a feeling of belonging again. I hope you find what you’re looking for as well. If you have some free time today check out the interview and song below. It won a Golden Globe award for “Best Original Song” so many people would agree that it’s a pretty great tune and worth a listen!

Billie Eilish - What Was I Made For? Music Video: